By Milt Rosen
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Additional resources for The Ugly Joke Book
R She used to be so grotesque, while she posed for a photographer who acknowledged, " Watch the chook ie ," the birdie would not pop out. She was once so bowlegged , she appeared like giraffes kissing . ' Her legs appeared like Napoleon . . . " boney components. * * He used to be so skinny, while he wore a doublebreasted jacket, he needed to button it within the again. * She used to be so cross-eyed , she may perhaps glance through a keyhole with either eyes. '- - He used to be so thin, whilst he stood sideways at school , he used to be marked absent. She had one the teeth, however it got here in convenient . . . for establishing beer bottles. "She had her face lifted the opposite day. " "Yeah. Who took it? " * I' "What have you ever acquired opposed to your spouse? " "Have you ever visible her? " "No. " "That's it. She appears like anything you 've by no means visible . " "Your spouse isn't really a intercourse pot? " "She's obtained the pot. Now she's engaged on the remainder of it. " She was once so gruesome, while he took her to the flicks he needed to pay an abusement tax. * " Your spouse seems to be a bit at the heavy facet. " "She's heavy on each part. " "If you are not too overjoyed together with your spouse , why did you marry her? '' " In a second of weak point, I kissed her and forces greater than myself instructed me to suggest. " " feelings can do this. " " feelings, hell. It used to be her father and massive brothers. " She used to be so bony, they used to x-ray her for meat. Her ft had an immeasurable attractiveness. After 23 triple zero , you cease counting . "I cannot think that your spouse has a beard. " "That's what I say each evening whilst she's shaving. " A it's totally tricky for a guy to be gruesome, yet he attempts very tough. She used a whole bunch make-up until eventually one evening her boyfriend , bugged by means of the mess, dragged her all the way down to the cosmetics manufacturing facility. " See," he acknowledged, " irrespective of how a lot you utilize they could make extra. " She stated , "I be aware of, yet i have them operating nights. " "That's my woman. you simply observed her within the flesh . " " could not she get a greater becoming? " * * * humans concept she had baggage below her eyes. really she used to be simply donning her cheeks up that season. * * * " Do you've a exchange? " " Yeah, my spouse for something you were given. " She had a stiff higher lip. She brushed her enamel with starch. One time she went to Florida for her seems to be. yet they were not there . He used to be so gruesome, whilst he used to be a child they made him poster boy for contraception. A She had a scar that begun at her temple, ran down her cheek, down her jaw, and around the room to her sister. A plastic medical professional as soon as informed her that cosmetic surgery for her will be like getting a kidney transplant for a bedwetter. "She has very extinguished seems to be. " " You suggest 'distinguished. '" "No, extinguished. She might be positioned out. .. * * * either she and her husband have been very fats. On their honeymoon evening they made up our minds they have been seeing an excessive amount of of one another. She used to be so grotesque, they employed· a qualified baby actress to play her in domestic video clips. Her toes have been so colossal, she rented herself to the woodland carrier for stamping out fires . She gave the look of an coincidence going somewhere to take place. • " She has a face that just a mom can love. " " no longer inevitably.