Download E-books The Stench of Honolulu: A Tropical Adventure PDF

By Jack Handey

The mythical Deep Thoughts and New Yorker stand-up comedian Jack Handey is again together with his first actual novel-a hilarious, absurd, far-flung experience tale.


Are you keen on books within which well-known vacationer locations are repurposed as unlivable hellholes for no specific cause? learn on!

Jack Handey's unique story is stuffed with laugh-out-loud twists and unforgettable characters whose names get away me at once. A reliably unreliable narrator and his pal, who's another man, have to get out of city. they've got a flavor for event, in order that they pay a trip to a relic of bygone days-a commute agent-and observe an previous treasure map. She could have been a witch, incidentally. Our heroes quickly embark on a quest for the Golden Monkey, which takes them into the mysterious and pungent overseas land of Honolulu. There, they meet untold risks, confront unusual natives, kill and consume Turtle humans, kill another issues and folks, devour one other factor, and observe the ruins of historic civilizations.

As our narrator says, "The ruins have been notable. yet like such a lot of civilizations, they forgot the guideline that would have stored them: do not enable vines develop in all places you."

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Typically i might chuckle at those who grew to become hooked up to a ship. yet now who was once giggling? The boat. Up and up we went. My lungs burned. My legs burned. My mouth burned. I checked out the label on my chewing gum. crimson scorching Chili Gum?! whilst did i purchase that?! I clawed my means in the course of the muck and the dust, on my arms and knees. i used to be attacked via biting ants. Here’s my query: Why are there such a lot of ants, yet no longer that many anteaters? great activity, Evolution. I crawled prior a lizard. Then the lizard went prior me. Then i noticed the lizard was once simply sitting there and that i were sliding downhill. It felt like i used to be mendacity on an immense anvil, being pounded by means of a huge hammer. i wished to shout, “I’m flat sufficient! ” each mobile in my physique cried out, and each phone in my mind hollered again, Whoa, there, little pardners, let’s take ’er effortless. My mind had turn into a cowboy! Don took me apart. He acknowledged possibly I should still do away with the bottles of scotch in my backpack. I shook my head in disbelief, so demanding that my neck burned. “There’s no manner I’m eliminating this Glenriddance, Glen,” I acknowledged, calling Don by way of his center identify, which he hates. “These scotch bottles are like my youngsters, and that i may by no means abandon my young children. ” “But you probably did abandon your children,” acknowledged Don. “They weren’t my kids! They have been my niece and nephew! i used to be simply babysitting! and that i simply left them for a short time! Why did they name the police? Why! Why! Why! ” opposed to every little thing that’s holy, I took the final 4 bottles of Glenriddance from my pack. I kissed every one goodbye and that i tossed them down onto the rocks. whilst I heard them shatter, I set free a scream of ache and anger and grief. while Don acknowledged lets have stashed them someplace and picked them up at the long ago down, I let loose a much bigger scream. what sort of global what sort of an international used to be this, the place humans won’t assist you hold pricey scotch yet, oh, they don’t brain wearing water? the place a monkey pretends to consume whatever foul, simply to trick you into consuming it? the place heads are shrunken and ft are stunken? the place even when you clarify to people who what you’re doing is yodeling, they nonetheless wish you to forestall? the place a mad scientist can it appears lease a helicopter, no questions requested? the place crops consume males, and males consume males, yet a Patangi won’t allow you to play his drum since you “might damage it”? the place you scent a flower and it smells you again? the place you glance and search for your different shoe, and should you ultimately locate it not anyone turns out that chuffed? the place humans don’t brain if you happen to name mosquitoes “skeeters,” yet they get pissed off for those who name them “skits”? the place you will kill for a sizzling bathtub and slaughter every body in sight for a bubble bathtub? the place a raccoon can hypnotize you simply by way of washing his arms? the place a guy weeping within the evening is informed to “stop cry”? What a idiot I’d Been UP AND up we went, into the clouds. every thing used to be foggy and slippery and rainy, like a few type of dream. “Mount Regina, she very rainy. She regularly wet,” acknowledged Leilani. She placed her hand on Don’s waist. I had an orgasm in my pants.

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