By Jimmy Pritchard
Wander right down to the neighborhood bar and ask the bartender, "Heard any strong jokes lately?" Jimmy Pritchard, who has been tending bar in well known long island urban institutions for years, has heard all of them. From ny natives to travelers, from pros to school childrens, whilst Jimmy's in the back of the bar, every person has to pony up a shaggy dog story. here's Pritchard's riotously humorous choice of greater than four hundred jokes that's absolute to have everybody laughing.
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Extra resources for The New York Bartenders Joke Book
The gynecologist leans in actual dose among her legs and mumbles, "Num-num-num-numnum ... ~ a man is going to a pharmacy, walks as much as the pharmacist and says, "I want a few contraception tablets for my fourteen-year-old daughter. " "You suggest to inform me," says the pharmacist, "that your fourteen-year-old daughter is sexually energetic? " "Hell, no," says the man. aShe simply lies there and does not stream like her mom! • Y. were you aware that there are over fifty thousand battered girls within the usa? And all thls time i have been consuming them simple! ~-- ~ ', ' . ~ a man is going to a church and walks into the confessional. "Forgive me, Father, for i've got sinned," he says. The priest says,"What is it that brings you the following? " "Well, Father," says the fellow, "I used the F-word over the weekend: "How clid this take place? " asks the priest. "Well. Father," says the man, "I was once taking part in golfing and at the first tee I hit a sUce into the timber. " "And that 's in the event you cursed out loud? " asks the priest. "Oh no, now not but; says the fellow. "Well, I received fortunate. i discovered my ball and luld a transparent shot to the fairway whilst, abruptly, a squirrel got here out of the timber, picked up my ball via its the teeth, and scampered up a tree. • "11ut needs to lulve been if you cursed; says the priest. "No,• says the man, "because simply because the squirrel received to the pinnacle of the tree, a hawk swooped down Th lit• Yerk Gtv lartu4er's Jeltt a.. okay • 1'5 and grabbed it with its talons. The hawk flew out over the golf green and the squirrel dropped the ball, which landed 5 inches from the cup. " "Oh, I see, that is in the event you cursed; the priest says veritably. "No, no longer then, you see-" The priest interrupts, "Don't inform me you neglected the fucking putt! " ~ a guy is going to confession. "Forgive me, Father, for i've got sinned; he says. "I have not been to confession in many years and i've a sin that has been weighing seriously on mine and my family's sense of right and wrong for a few years. " "What is your sin, my son? " asks the priest. "We concealed a family members of Jews from the Nazis; says the guy. "My son," says the priest, "saving a kin from convinced dying isn't a sin. " "We charged them money a month," says the guy. "Well," says the priest, "was it agreeable to them? Did the fee reason them any hardsWp? " "Oh sure, they agreed, Father, they usually might manage to pay for the money," says the fellow. "Did they've got adequate nutrients and have been they fit? " asks the priest. "Yes, Father, they'd lots of meals , they have been healthy," says the guy. 1" • Jl••v Pritchar4 The priest thinks for a second and says, ~My son, you and your loved ones have not devoted any sin. i do not understand what you worry approximately. " aBut Father; says the guy, "should I inform them that the conflict Is over? ~ y pay attention concerning the cross-eyed instructor who could not keep an eye on her students? ~ A Texas rancher and a brand new Hampshire farmer are tal. k:ing. "How gigantic is your farm? " asks the Texas rancher. "Well, my farm Is a bit over 200 acres; says the recent Hampshire farmer. "Son; bellows the Texas rancher, · my ranch is so blg, i will get in my truck on one finish and it'll take me 3 days to arrive the opposite finish!