Download E-books The Keillor Reader: Looking Back at Forty Years of Stories: Where Did They All Come From? PDF

By Garrison Keillor

Stories, monologues, and essays via Garrison Keillor, founder and host of A Prairie domestic Companion

The first retrospective from New York Times–bestselling writer Garrison Keillor celebrates the humor and knowledge of this grasp storyteller. With an advent and headnotes by means of the writer, besides accompanying pictures and memorabilia, The Keillor Reader brings jointly a whole variety of Keillor’s paintings. incorporated are the “Pontoon” monologue, during which twenty-four Lutheran pastors capsize a ship as a parasail and hot-air balloon maneuver above; the Alaska adventures wrestler Jimmy “Big Boy” Valenti; a brand new model of “Casey on the Bat”; an creative memoir of existence on the New Yorker; and a suite of precepts for all times, “What Have We discovered So Far?”

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A hermaphrodite! ” acknowledged Leo LaValley. “A freak of nature, however the outlook for those little fellas isn't cheery. they generally tend to head berserk and stroll right into a supermarket with a shotgun and shoot the clerk for a pair rolls of quarters. that kid is an undeveloped grownup male tortured by way of his personal hope for a lady and that’s why the little shit is a giant famous person. ladies can listen that throb in her voice. yet then that’s actual of so much singers. a true man’s guy can not more sing than a puppy can learn books. It’s natural frustration that makes for appearing expertise. All that la-di-da and the large grins, that’s hermaphrodism speaking. ” He leaned ahead and pointed a finger into his personal chest. “I,” he acknowledged, “have no expertise for functionality whatever. i'm relatively chuffed to be common. ” eight. CASEY on the BAT In the Ernest Thayer unique, it’s a tragedy whilst Casey moves out, yet in fact that depends upon which ballpark you’re in. In my model, the sport isn't in Mudville, it’s in Dustburg, and other people are thrilled. while I wrote this, the road in regards to the pigeons made me snigger out loud, and that i nearly laughed out loud on the line concerning the crowd grabbing carry of the bumpers and rocking him back and forth. A merciless poem. It used to be taking a look quite looking forward to our Dustburg crew that day: We have been best Mudville 4 to 2 with an inning left to play. We bought Cooney on a grounder and Muldoon at the related, Two down, none on, most sensible of the ninth—we concept we’d received the sport. Mudville used to be despairing, and we grinned and cheered and clapped. It appeared like finally those years our wasting string had snapped. And we basically needed that Casey, the large fats gruesome lout, Could be the patsy who might make the ultimate, shameful out. Oh, how we hated Casey, he was once a blot upon the sport. each puppy in Dustburg barked on the point out of his identify. A bully and a braggart, a cretin and a swine— If Casey got here to bat, we’d stick it the place the moon don’t shine! out and up got here Flynn to bat, with Jimmy Blake on deck, And the previous was once a loser and the latter used to be a smash; Though the sport was once within the bag, the Dustburg lovers have been damage To imagine that Casey wouldn't come and get his simply dessert. yet Flynn, he received a unmarried, a very unlikely sight, And Blake swung like a girl yet he parked it deep to correct, And whilst the airborne dirt and dust had lifted, and fickle destiny had beckoned, There used to be Flynn a-hugging 3rd and Jimmy secure at moment. Then from each Dustburg throat, there rose a lusty cry: “Bring up the slimy greaseball and allow him stand and die. Throw the potent slider and enable him listen it whiz And permit him hit a pop-up just like the pansy that he's. ” There used to be satisfaction in Casey’s visage as he strode onto the grass, There was once scorn in his demeanor as he frivolously scratched his again. 10000 humans booed him whilst he stepped into the field, And they made the sound of farting while he bent to mend his socks. And now the fabled slider got here spinning towards the mitt, And Casey watched it sliding and he didn't opt for it, And the umpire jerked his arm like he used to be hauling down the sunlight, And his cry rang from the field seats to the bleachers: Stee-rike One!

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