Download E-books The Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes: Over 2,000 One-Liners, Straight Lines, Stories, Gags, Roasts, Ribs, and Put-Downs PDF

By H. Aaron Cohl

Eventually in paperback-with plenty of brand-new jokes from today's best comedians.

What will be funnier than an exceptional comic story? How approximately 2,000 nice jokes? during this side–splitting compendium, revised and up to date and that includes a brand new creation by means of Drew Carey, individuals of the world-renowned Friars membership and different comedians supply zingers for each get together, scenario, and taste.

Organized alphabetically and by way of subject, this booklet is made for shopping, yet it's additionally ideal for locating icebreakers for social events, including a slightly of humor to company speeches, and spicing up toasts.

Hundreds of the best-known comedians are represented, together with Sarah Silverman, Ellen Degeneres, Lewis Black, Ray Romano, Milton Berle, Carol Burnett, George Burns, George Carlin, Johnny Carson, Billy Crystal, Phyllis Diller, Bob wish, Alan King, Richard Lewis, Bob Newhart, Rita Rudner, Jerry Seinfeld, Robin Williams, and lots more.

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136 TilE FRIARS Ctuo ENCYCLOPEDIA OF ]OKES The New E11glaud )oumal of Mdici1u studies that 9 out of ten medical professionals agree that one out of ten medical professionals is an fool. Drink and ingesting Phil Harris sees a psychiatrist as soon as every week to make him cease drinking-and it really works. each Wednesday among 5 and 6 he does not drink . jOE E. UWIS The bartender was once dumbfounded while a gorilla got here in and requested for a martini , yet he could not reflect on any cause to not serve the beast. And he used to be much more surprised to discover the gorilla coolly maintaining out a ten-dollar invoice whilst he lower back with the drink . As he walked over to the money sign in, he determined to attempt so mething. He rang up the sale, headed again to the animal , and passed it a greenback in c hange. The gorilla did not say something, he simply sat there sipping his martini . ultimately the bartender could not take it any longer . "You know," he provided, "we do not ge t too many gorillas in right here. " And the gorilla spoke back, "At 9 dollars a drink, i am not shocked. " Alcohol is nice for you . My grandfather proved it. He drank quarts of booze each mature day of his existence and lived to the age of 1 hundred and 3 . i used to be on the cremation; that fireside wouldn't exit. DAVE ASTOR Let's get out of those rainy outfits and right into a dry martini. ROBERT BENCHUY (ALSO ATTRIBUTED TO AUXANDER WOOUCOTT) a guy isn't dn. mk if he can lay at the Aoor with out retaining on . jOE E. medical professionals AA'D DENTISTS/ DRL'oo'K AA'D DRINKtNG LEWIS 137 ~ ~ a guy walks right into a bar and orders a lager. After a couple of minutes he says to the bartender,"Hey, if I express you the main extraordinary factor you have ever noticeable, will you provide me one other beer at the condo? " "We'll see," sa identification the bartender, "I've had much o! , nuts are available in the following, and i have visible a few beautiful notable issues in my day. So the guy pulls out a ham ster and a tiny piano ou t of hello s briefcase, and places them at the bar. Then the hamster starts off to play Chopin . "Not bad," stated the bartender, "but i'm going to have to see extra. " "Okay, carry on," says the fellow as he pulls out a frog from hello s briefcase. abruptly, the frog begins making a song "My means. " A partron within reach jumps up from his desk and says, 'That's impressive! i will provide you with $1 ,000 right away for that frog. " ' offered! " says the fellow , who exchanges the frog for the money. The bartender then says to the guy, "You be aware of, its none of my enterprise, yet i believe you simply gave away a true fortune in that frog . " ll 1 1 (! "Not really," says the guy , "the hamster can also be a ventriloquist . " One evening pass judgement on O'Brien tottered into his condominium very overdue and extremely inebriated certainly, so bombed that he had controlled to throw up all over the place himself. within the morning he sheepishly informed his spouse under the influence of alcohol sitting subsequent to him at the teach domestic had controlled to vomit in every single place him . The pass judgement on controlled to make it in to the courthouse, the place it happened to him that his tale may not be actually convincing to his spouse. In spired, he referred to as domestic and acknowledged, "Honey, you will not think this, yet l simply had the under the influence of alcohol who threw up on me final evening appear in court docket, and that i gave him thirty days.

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